It's dread I am feeling. I dread looking for another job, I dread the thought of staying.

But this dissatisfaction seems to be a pattern for me. I've complained about every job I've had since 2020...all 3 of them! I've complained about the people in charge; how they run their business. That's not my place, I'm just a worker. They pay me. But I've changed in how I see things and I don't think it's for the better. I've grown bitter. And I've complained to others at every job, and regretted it.

I have not been satisfied, I've been critical and negative and complained a lot. I don't remember being so negative toward management before 2020.

I say nasty things to others while I'm driving.

I used to be very patient.  Mello yellow. Zen. My nick name in high school was Turtle because I was so chill. I miss that person.

Now I cuss at people (not so they can hear me), and my thoughts are usually negative and critical. I also struggle with sheer exhaustion and have my bouts with anxiety.  These are part of the personality change that is taking place in me.

I can't forget to mention Trauma Brain. Every story in my mind ends in the worst possible way.

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